Saturday, December 17, 2011

Carlton - Psych?

The title of this one is very clever for reasons that will be evident later on in the post. It has a double meaning. You see, when you're a woman who keeps a blog of the horrible dates you go on, you have to wonder whether the person sending you on the date honestly thinks it's a good idea or just wants to see what kind of story you'll write about it. That must be why they call it being "set up..."

Of course in this instance I told my friend that it went well just in case she had been serious. Over a year later, I feel it's safe to discuss how things really went:

After receiving my number and playing a few rounds of phone tag, he decided I should call him in the morning on my way to work... since apparently that was the only time we were both available. Reluctantly at 6:30am the next day I called him. After a riveting, groggy conversation about our goals and ambitions in life, he asked if he could take me out the following evening.

The next night, I worked a little later than planned. When I texted to inform him I was running slightly behind, he responded with, "That's fine. I'll be there in twenty minutes. Dress nice."

Uhh... What?! Remember how I said I was running late? And what does "dress nice" even mean? Are we going to a cocktail party? Is he worried I'm planning to come as a scrub?

After a quick and painful deliberation (of course my roommates weren't even home for moral support) I settled on wearing some heels with my jeans and blouse. This turned out to be a good call as he showed up in jeans and a black shirt.

We went to dinner at a jazz bistro (on disco night!!) where we were the only customers there who weren't a part of some sort of crazy quinceanera. Over the loud music I managed to learn that he is a liberal, why he hates all of my favorite sports associations, that he works as a waiter (because he has always wanted to...not because he has to) and that he is a psychology major. He did promise he wasn't analyzing me.

Since dinner took up a good amount of time, I was fairly certain I would be off the hook after that. It was, after all, past 10pm on a weeknight and the restaurant was reasonably near my house. Not so. He had hoped we could head to a coffee shop for more conversation and a game he had brought. Not just any coffee shop. His favorite coffee shop. In the next city over.

On the 20 minute drive to the coffee shop, he asked me about movies. I learned that he will never take a date to see a movie. Even if it's someone he's already dating or knows very well. Why? Because he prefers to have all cinematic experiences on his own so that the movie can emotionally and spiritually move him.

"Of course I would love to find a girl that shares my taste in movies... but there will always be those movies that are...just for me."

Naturally I'm thinking he must just enjoy deep, allegorical blockbusters... so imagine my shock when I learned what the most meaningful movie to him was.

Gone in 60 Seconds.

Wait... the one where Angelina Jolie has nasty blond dreadlocks and she and Nicholas Cage steal cars? Okay. That's normal. Enjoy that one in your "alone time." Wouldn't want to interfere with your "cinematic experience."

At the coffee shop (which inconveniently did not have a public restroom) he pulled out a mind/strategy game. Is this a test? If it was, I guess I passed since he said I was better than most girls he had played. (Barf.)

Finally as they were closing around 11pm, we headed home. The ride home, just as I had feared, was a complete analysis of my personality as he perceived it. It didn't bother me too much since my main focus at this point was not wetting myself. It was so refreshing to walk in the door after what turned out to be an extremely exhausting night full of ideas that could not have been further from my own.

A day or two later he asked if I would be interested in going out again. I politely turned the offer down, to which I received this response:

"I'll tell you what. Let's go out one more time. If it's not magical, I'll leave you alone."

I wasn't feeling the magic.


  1. Ok, that was the funniest thing I've ever read! You crack me up, like always :)
    Love, Colleen

  2. my freshman year of college i went on a date w/ a psych major who was 6 years older than me. he suggested we do a "personality quiz"....not together, but rather he would be administering said quiz to me and hten analyzing me. Did i mention he also called my parents back in arizona to ask their permission to take me on a first date? good gracious...