Thursday, December 3, 2009

Kelly (Hey, that's a guy's name, too!)

My last semester of college I was trying (and succeeding) to avoid dating altogether. One Friday night around the middle of the semester a guy I knew from church called and asked if I'd join him for a movie that evening. I was reluctant, as I had already made plans with my roommates (at least that was the excuse I used to get out of dates) but after he persisted, I consented. Five minutes later he was outside my apartment in a Jeep...with the top down. His roommate had asked another girl from my complex and and she and I were put in the back of the open Jeep while they guys sat in the front without the wind. (Did I mention it was about 45 degrees?!) After I was buckled up and we were on our way out of the parking lot, I noticed a car full of girls following behind us. "Oh yeah," he said. "Our FHE sisters wanted to come so we invited them along."

Recap: I'm freezing in the back of a Jeep with the top down and have no hair tie. I've just realized this "date" is going to be me, two guys, and seven other girls.

When we got to the movie theatre (25 minutes later) they looked at the movie times and realized the next showing wasn't for two more hours. One of the six tag-alongs suggested we all go out to eat while we wait. As magical as that sounded, I secretly texted my roommate to have her pick me up and asked them to drop me off at the mall. Even shopping didn't redeem that evening.

Tuesday, November 3, 2009

Larry (A Tricky Situation)

I want you all to know that I am creating this post with the utmost sensitivity. I feel the need to recount this incident based on recent suggestions for blind dates. Nobody likes blind dates, am I right!? This is my reason:

I was once set up by my roommate's boyfriend. The guy seemed nice enough when he picked me up... and as I recall we went to a movie. I thought nothing of it when he shook my left hand, or when he reached across his body (going out of his way) to open a door for me. No - It wasn't until ice cream after the movie (in the middle of a painfully dull conversation about whether or not I like to travel) that I realized that he had absolutely no use of his right arm.

First of all, I would like to point out that this was not the sole source of the awkwardness of the date, but it is something that you'd think would have been mentioned to me beforehand. Was it okay to ask about? I didn't know! So I suffered quietly through another hour and half of conversation before we went home.

Words cannot describe the discomfort caused by this blind date. Although my date was not actually blind, he was, in fact, uniplegic...and tragically boring.

Tuesday, October 20, 2009

Travis (Piece of Work)

This kid was a friend of one of my roommates. He and his friends came over for a dinner she had cooked for them once. A few days later, I saw him between classes on campus. As it turned out, he and I had classes in the same building, and each had an hour long break afterwards. Magical, right?! We talked for a while, he walked me to my next class, got my number, and that was it.

That weekend, he called to invite me to watch a movie at his place. It went well. He was a witty, moderately charming guy. (Red hair. I've since had to give up on redheads. More of those to come.) The very next night, he asked me out again. Once again, an enjoyable evening. He asked if he could walk me to class the next morning. He did.

Wednesday night, he had a flag football game that he had invited me to. My roommate (his friend) and I showed up... At this point I show mention we were two of about six people there, yet the guy managed NOT to make eye contact with me at all. Later that night he called my roommate to tell her that he really liked me, but was "also considering" another girl. Seriously? So we can't be civil unless we're ready to commit to a relationship. Good to know!

Didn't hear from him for a week. One Friday night, I was lying on the couch with laryngitis when there was a knock at the door. I don't typically get a lot of company at 12:30am, so naturally I was surprised. It was him...just wanting to visit. He made fun of my sad little raspy voice as we talked for a while. Finally, I needed to go to bed (as it was about 1:30 and I hadn't gotten rid of him yet) and as he was about to leave he said, "I was actually wondering if you would like to make dinner for me on Sunday."

Is this guy joking? As it turned out, he wasn't. I jokingly said something to the effect of, "I can't just go around cooking for every guy that asks." Somehow not sensing my disgust, he asked if I'd been asked recently. I said I hadn't to which he replied, "Well then, I suppose I must have been prompted to ask."

Okay. We're done. I'm still proud of what I happened next. I replied, "Luckily for you, there are about 6,000 other girls of this campus, and I'm sure plenty of them would be more than happy to fix you dinner! If I were you, I'd start with the freshman."

After staring wide-eyed for a moment, he left. :o) I don't need to tell you that we didn't spend any more time together.

Saturday, September 26, 2009

Frank (The Gamer)

My junior year of college, I had been out a time or two with this guy. We had a lot in common! I actually liked him a lot... for the most part.

Our third date was your typical dinner/movie date. After dinner, he said he needed to stop by his apartment to pick something up. Upon arriving at his apartment, we found his roommates gathered around the TV played Halo. My dreamy guy decided to play "one quick game" before the show.

About an hour later, I walked myself home.

Thursday, September 10, 2009

Tony (What the heck!?)

One Thanksgiving break during college, I stayed in town for the holiday. A friend of mine had a roommate who was staying for the week also, and asked if he could give him my number.

We went on what could be called a "marathon date." Under different circumstances this might have been obnoxious, but the guy wasn't half bad! In fact, he was really cute, intelligent, and we had a lot in common. We were supposed to meet a group of volunteers at a nursing home, but showed up at the wrong one. Luckily, the one we went to also had elderly people we could talk to. After visiting for a while, we had pie and played "Pictionary" on campus. I figured we'd call it a night, but after learning that I loved playing catch, he suggested we grab a football and head to the field. As we played, a light snow began to fall. Magical, right?

After a few good tosses and some satisfactory conversation, he dropped me off at my apartment, asking if I'd like to do something again. I didn't think much about it until a little over a week later.

I mustered up some confidence and just before one of my night classes, sent him a friendly message inviting him to a gathering my roommates and I were having that weekend. No big deal, right? I sat through class and upon getting out of class, I saw that he had called and left a message. The message said only this:

"Um... I don't have text messaging in my phone plan so please don't text me."

Seriously? At least I know it's not because I throw like a girl...

Thursday, August 6, 2009

Brint (The farmboy/punk rocker/ninja)

If you read the title to this post, your mind should be absolutely blown right now. How can one guy be all of those things? Moreover, if each of those occupations is completely amazing on its own, all of them together should be freakishly incredible, right? Wrong. Three awesomes don't make an incredible.

I met this guy after some mix and mingle opening picnic my junior year of college. He and his roommate came to my apartment to ask if my roommate and I had any scotch tape they could borrow. (Seriously?!) Naturally it was a love connection right off.

He was raised on a dairy farm in a small town in Idaho. Somewhere in his country upbringing, he had developed a love (I should call it an obsession) for Green Day. Beyond that, I think he was pretty sure he was a member of Green Day. If he ever got started with his guitar, you could assume you'd be there a while... and that the neighbors could hear.

We went out a few times, most of which were listening to him make bad business transactions over the phone while watching a movie.

One night, he and his roommate came over to have dinner with my roommate and me. Not to be shallow, but the kid showed up wearing black skinny jeans (meant only for skinny people), a black belt with silver spikes, and a gallon of grease in his hair. After another evening of listening to him talk on his phone (he never left the room to take the calls,) I walked him back to his apartment and gently let him know I wasn't interested in a relationship. I didn't hear much for a while.

A little over a week later, after getting home from another date around 11:00pm, there was a knock at the door. Of course it was him. His hands were in his jacket and he said, "I don't know if this will change anything, but I needed you to see." Then he calmly walked down the stairs, leaving me on the porch, to the lawn in front of my apartment. Out of his jacket he pulled out some nun chucks.

After he finished showing me what I can only assume were "nun chuck skills," he stood still on the lawn and stared at me. All I could say was "thank you." We didn't talk much after that.

The worst part was that my roommates weren't around to see. To this day, I doubt they believe me.

Saturday, July 18, 2009

Jake (the almost first kiss)

My freshman year of college, I went out a few times with this guy from Idaho. He was nice, cute, good at basketball... but not nearly as smooth as he thought he was.

One evening in particular, he seemed nervous. He drove me around town as if looking for something. Finally we pulled over next to what looks like a park bench...except that it was sitting in the middle of the sidewalk next to a semi-busy street. (So not romantic.) I could tell he was trying to make a move, but each time a car passed we were back to square one. After a few moments of quiet he said, "You know this park bench means a lot to me. It's where I had my first kiss." (Oh no.)

As his puckered mouth came at my face the only thing going through my brain was, "Whatever you do, Ami, don't laugh!" No such luck. The combination of the unromantic situation and the terrible line was more than I could handle. Just before he arrived, I pulled my head back in uncontrollable, evil, you've-got-to-be-kidding-me laughter.

He immediately stood up, walked to the car, and drove me home in silence. We didn't go out again.

Friday, July 17, 2009

Moe (my first date)

I thought my first date would be a good place to kick this off.

My very first date was about 6 months after my 16th birthday. One of my friends set me up with her quirky little brother so we could double with her and another guy she'd been wanting to go out with. The day of the "big date," her brother informed me that he wasn't interested in going on the date, but would do it for his sister... if he had to. Needless to say the date felt a bit awkward after that.

I think this was a serious omen as to where my dating life was headed. Had I only known...