If you read the title to this post, your mind should be absolutely blown right now. How can one guy be all of those things? Moreover, if each of those occupations is completely amazing on its own, all of them together should be freakishly incredible, right? Wrong. Three awesomes don't make an incredible.
I met this guy after some mix and mingle opening picnic my junior year of college. He and his roommate came to my apartment to ask if my roommate and I had any scotch tape they could borrow. (Seriously?!) Naturally it was a love connection right off.
He was raised on a dairy farm in a small town in Idaho. Somewhere in his country upbringing, he had developed a love (I should call it an obsession) for Green Day. Beyond that, I think he was pretty sure he was a member of Green Day. If he ever got started with his guitar, you could assume you'd be there a while... and that the neighbors could hear.
We went out a few times, most of which were listening to him make bad business transactions over the phone while watching a movie.
One night, he and his roommate came over to have dinner with my roommate and me. Not to be shallow, but the kid showed up wearing black skinny jeans (meant only for skinny people), a black belt with silver spikes, and a gallon of grease in his hair. After another evening of listening to him talk on his phone (he never left the room to take the calls,) I walked him back to his apartment and gently let him know I wasn't interested in a relationship. I didn't hear much for a while.
A little over a week later, after getting home from another date around 11:00pm, there was a knock at the door. Of course it was him. His hands were in his jacket and he said, "I don't know if this will change anything, but I needed you to see." Then he calmly walked down the stairs, leaving me on the porch, to the lawn in front of my apartment. Out of his jacket he pulled out some nun chucks.
After he finished showing me what I can only assume were "nun chuck skills," he stood still on the lawn and stared at me. All I could say was "thank you." We didn't talk much after that.
The worst part was that my roommates weren't around to see. To this day, I doubt they believe me.
Don't Make Me a Liar
1 week ago