Ken (the ditcher)

In college, my roommates and I would plan a group date once a month and set each other up with guys we knew. This particular date was the Christmas date.

About thirty minutes after the date was supposed to start, the date my roommate arranged for me still hadn't shown up. When she called, he said he had forgotten and finally made it about 45 minutes into the date. We went on with the "festivities" as planned, but after 40 minutes or so, he pretended to take a phone call outside. (It never actually rang.) He came back inside claiming he had been called into work (at 10:00 on a Saturday night.) I spent the rest of the date...dateless. It was a jolly good time!

The next week I ran into someone he worked with. Apparently the office isn't open on the weekends. Go figure!

On the bright side, I've learned to better appreciate the boys that show up... for the whole date. Automatic points.

Mick (The Recycler)

A little over two years ago, my college apartment was assigned a new apartment of boys for our FHE family. Two of my roommates and I went over Sunday evening to chat before we had FHE the next night. After FHE Monday night, one of my "brothers" pulled me aside and said, "Hey, I just feel like I need to let you know that I have a girlfriend." (sidenote: I don't think I gave him any reason to need to have this conversation.) He went on to explain that he still wanted to hang out with me...I should just keep in mind he has a girlfriend. I let him know I was completely okay with the fact that he was taken.

Long story short: He went to run errands a few days later with my roommate and myself and we were in the children's story section of Deseret Book when he sits me down to have another "talk." What he'd been dying to tell me was that he was supposed to be engaged to this girl, but since he met me (4 days ago, mind you) he'd been having second thoughts. "Do you think there's a chance between us?" It was the kind of thing that you see in the movies but never expect someone to do in real life. Very flattering. Not super tempting. Why would I want to date someone who would break an engagement for someone he doesn't know?

I later found out that I made a fabulous call on that. As it turns out, he's an underwear recycler. Apparently it can "air out" while he showers. Don't ask how I found that out.

Craig - episode two (the nap)

A few weeks after the first date, I had a break between classes in the middle of the day. Naturally this became my typical nap time. One particular afternoon, "Craig" was on his way to the door just as I was headed to my bed. My roommate told him I was upstairs napping (which was very nearly true.) They talked for a minute and the door closed. She headed to her room for a nap.

About 45 minutes later, clad in sweats and half-smeared makeup I wandered downstairs. To my surprise/dismay/...(what's a good word for creeped-outness?) he was sitting the couch watching TV. I calmly started a conversation and somehow managed not to begin with "What the heck are you doing here?" I thought I could at least be polite enough to say hello before getting ready to go back to campus.

After a painful minute or two of small talk there was a lull in the conversation. He took the opportunity to lean in close to my ear, and in a low, nasal voice that still sends shivers down my spine whisper, "You look really, really pretty today."

I've never been so excited to go to class.

Craig - episode one (Insecurity?!)

Craig was a friend of mine. He would often attempt to ask me out, but I thought it better if we remained just friends. On one occasion, Craig asked if I would be his date. You see, his roommate wanted to ask my best friend out on their first date (they're now married) and wanted him to double. I was the most logical choice.

We had a nice, relatively normal dinner before attending a musical performance at the university. Things were going just fine (or so I thought) until following one of the final numbers he leaned over and whispered in my ear, "So...I noticed that you haven't been clapping loudly as I have. Are you not enjoying yourself?"

Oh my. More from this guy later! Be excited, dear readers.

Kelly (Hey, that's a guy's name, too!)

My last semester of college I was trying (and succeeding) to avoid dating altogether. One Friday night around the middle of the semester a guy I knew from church called and asked if I'd join him for a movie that evening. I was reluctant, as I had already made plans with my roommates (at least that was the excuse I used to get out of dates) but after he persisted, I consented. Five minutes later he was outside my apartment in a Jeep...with the top down. His roommate had asked another girl from my complex and and she and I were put in the back of the open Jeep while they guys sat in the front without the wind. (Did I mention it was about 45 degrees?!) After I was buckled up and we were on our way out of the parking lot, I noticed a car full of girls following behind us. "Oh yeah," he said. "Our FHE sisters wanted to come so we invited them along."

Recap: I'm freezing in the back of a Jeep with the top down and have no hair tie. I've just realized this "date" is going to be me, two guys, and seven other girls.

When we got to the movie theatre (25 minutes later) they looked at the movie times and realized the next showing wasn't for two more hours. One of the six tag-alongs suggested we all go out to eat while we wait. As magical as that sounded, I secretly texted my roommate to have her pick me up and asked them to drop me off at the mall. Even shopping didn't redeem that evening.

Larry (A Tricky Situation)

I want you all to know that I am creating this post with the utmost sensitivity. I feel the need to recount this incident based on recent suggestions for blind dates. Nobody likes blind dates, am I right!? This is my reason:

I was once set up by my roommate's boyfriend. The guy seemed nice enough when he picked me up... and as I recall we went to a movie. I thought nothing of it when he shook my left hand, or when he reached across his body (going out of his way) to open a door for me. No - It wasn't until ice cream after the movie (in the middle of a painfully dull conversation about whether or not I like to travel) that I realized that he had absolutely no use of his right arm.

First of all, I would like to point out that this was not the sole source of the awkwardness of the date, but it is something that you'd think would have been mentioned to me beforehand. Was it okay to ask about? I didn't know! So I suffered quietly through another hour and half of conversation before we went home.

Words cannot describe the discomfort caused by this blind date. Although my date was not actually blind, he was, in fact, uniplegic...and tragically boring.

Travis (Piece of Work)

This kid was a friend of one of my roommates. He and his friends came over for a dinner she had cooked for them once. A few days later, I saw him between classes on campus. As it turned out, he and I had classes in the same building, and each had an hour long break afterwards. Magical, right?! We talked for a while, he walked me to my next class, got my number, and that was it.

That weekend, he called to invite me to watch a movie at his place. It went well. He was a witty, moderately charming guy. (Red hair. I've since had to give up on redheads. More of those to come.) The very next night, he asked me out again. Once again, an enjoyable evening. He asked if he could walk me to class the next morning. He did.

Wednesday night, he had a flag football game that he had invited me to. My roommate (his friend) and I showed up... At this point I show mention we were two of about six people there, yet the guy managed NOT to make eye contact with me at all. Later that night he called my roommate to tell her that he really liked me, but was "also considering" another girl. Seriously? So we can't be civil unless we're ready to commit to a relationship. Good to know!

Didn't hear from him for a week. One Friday night, I was lying on the couch with laryngitis when there was a knock at the door. I don't typically get a lot of company at 12:30am, so naturally I was surprised. It was him...just wanting to visit. He made fun of my sad little raspy voice as we talked for a while. Finally, I needed to go to bed (as it was about 1:30 and I hadn't gotten rid of him yet) and as he was about to leave he said, "I was actually wondering if you would like to make dinner for me on Sunday."

Is this guy joking? As it turned out, he wasn't. I jokingly said something to the effect of, "I can't just go around cooking for every guy that asks." Somehow not sensing my disgust, he asked if I'd been asked recently. I said I hadn't to which he replied, "Well then, I suppose I must have been prompted to ask."

Okay. We're done. I'm still proud of what I happened next. I replied, "Luckily for you, there are about 6,000 other girls of this campus, and I'm sure plenty of them would be more than happy to fix you dinner! If I were you, I'd start with the freshman."

After staring wide-eyed for a moment, he left. :o) I don't need to tell you that we didn't spend any more time together.