Mario (The Speedster)

This particular boy was an interesting one. He popped out of nowhere and disappeared almost as quickly. I can't even recall his actual name.

He was a boy who was in Oklahoma selling something door-to-door for the summer. We didn't associate much during that summer, but he lived in a town near the one in which I went to school. One night he called and wanted to take me out for a drive. (Ladies, this is almost always a red flag...) Perhaps the drive wouldn't have been so awful if the conversation was more worthwhile. It was almost painful how little we had in common.

After about 45 minutes of excruciating meandering, we came to a certain two lane, curvy road and turned to head further from town. I was suddenly very aware that we were accelerating at a shocking rate. I glanced at the speedometer to see that we were now going a reasonable 75 in a 50 zone. At that moment I thought to myself, "What I wouldn't give to see a cop right now."

The cosmos must have heard me! (For once.) Just around the very next bend was a highway patrolman who didn't hesitate to pull us over. My lovely date, nervous, tried to explain our destination and the purpose of his expeditious driving. Five minutes later the officer returned to give my date a warning. Are you kidding me?! He was going 25 over. Oh well... the guy was sufficiently embarrassed and I was provided a convenient excuse to insist we head back to my place, so that would do.

One awkward door scene later I was getting ready for bed when I received a text message from him that he had just been pulled over on his way home from my place going 85 in a 65 and had gotten off with another warning. I was so impressed. I can't guarantee I answered any more of his phonecalls.

There was definitely a gap in his dating etiquette... and the Department of Public Safety.